ive never been very good at keeping up a journal. how could i ever hope to keep up with an online version? i probably never will. it will probably be the on-going battle of my life. a regular new years resolution that gets abandoned every January 2nd, yet rediscovered every December 31st. perhaps im not a total lost cause, as it is only june. but i do love catching up - so here it goes.
the top ten things that have changed since my last post:
1.) im not in baghdad anymore.
obviously. what an incredible experience though. i learned so much from my colleagues and friends there - i grew both professionally and personally, on so many levels. i am often asked if i was afraid there, if i feared for my life, and if i am so glad to be home. the answers are no, no, and yes. but perhaps not for the reasons you think. especially if that third question was asked AFTER questions one and/or two. of course baghdad was (and is) still a war zone and perhaps i should have been more "afraid." but the people there are beautiful, wonderful people with bright hopes for their future and i saw this experience as a chance to grow and learn from them. bombs go off and i suppose that provides moderate reason to fear. there are misperceptions about americans, and that provides moderate reason to fear. but i just followed the rules and did my best and returned home a little wiser (hopefully) than when i left. on this project i was surrounded by some of the brightest, most impressively intellectual people i have ever had the pleasure of having a conversation with. it was quite rewarding to exchange dialogue with them and hear about their lives, their perceptions, and their experiences. my life is richer to know them and i am SO grateful for their friendship and contributions to their country and the world.
2. i visited china (finally)
on my journey home from the middle east, i finally was able to complete a MUCH AWAITED trip to china. the more i see of the world, the more in awe i am of it. there is too much to see and too many to meet. witnessing the beauty of cultures different than my own, while experiencing their nature, climbing their architecture, and learning their history makes me grateful for diversity and for this wonderful world that god has created for us. i feel lucky, humbled, and excited for future travels.
3. i got engaged! (the best one! - but im kind of doing these in chronological order...)
to my best friend. i am sure many of you already know the story, but this is my blog and im sharing it again :) seth and i met at the very beginning of my senior year of college. i had just had my surgery (brain surgery for those who dont know... but if you dont know... where have you been???) a few weeks before and had returned to school. things could not have seemed better for janae in life. through mutual friends who had known each other their freshman year of college, we ended up hanging out one evening. seth had just gotten home from his mission in south korea. a bit awkward with girls (but so adorable) he and i, along with our friends, went to get oreo pizza at domino's down the street in provo. we hit it off right away. i was very enamored with all his talk about teaching swim lessons before his mission and the way his face lit up when he talked about his nieces and nephew. he asked for my number that night and through the power of texting, or relationship blossomed. from here, the particulars get less interesting. we dated on and off that year but the timing was just off. seth was just beginning school and i was heading out to the city of angels to pursue life. so i left. he would come and visit every now and then. a few times a year. we would talk with some regularity, but it seemed this relationship was fading into the background. until i left for baghdad. the last few times i saw seth before i left for iraq, he seemed different. grown in many ways. i pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind. both because it was hard to believe he was changing and because i wasnt sure i still felt the same way. when i left, i could tell it was hard on him and he would write me often while i was gone. he planned to visit me out in LA at christmastime, just after i returned. after his nephew coyly asked me when i was going to marry seth, it didnt take me long to hope that things were different this time. we were making wedding plans within the month. we agreed to a long distance relationship for a while, but quickly realizing how we both felt, he proposed at the Mesa, Arizona temple on March 12 and #4 ensued. ask me about the proposal btw. it was very adorable.
4. i quit my job in LA - without having another one (eep!)
as we started to make plans, we decided we didnt want to stay apart any longer. seeing each other once a month for only a weekend at a time was taking its toll and we were ready to start our life together. i started looking for jobs in utah, but NOTHING. i applied and applied and applied. i wasnt even getting jobs i was ten million times over-qualified for. it was demoralizing. i didnt know what to do. i had a great job in LA. he was considering law school at UCLA. should we wait to get married until he was done with his undergrad and could move out to me. upon much fasting and prayer, we decided that i needed to move to him. by the time #5 happened. i put in my notice at work. kept my fingers crossed something would work out. my due date for having something else came and went. so... embarking with a leap of faith, i packed my office (and my house) and went on my way.
5. i went to the temple
what a wonderfully joyous experience. it was so beautiful to have my whole family there with me in the Portland, Oregon temple. I felt very blessed to be able to attend with all my siblings and my parents; but nothing could have been more wonderful than to have seth be there with me. it was truly a wonderful day and so exciting!
6. i moved back to utah (barf)
but not so barf. it was hard, for sure. everything i remembered it being, except less friends this time. and less purpose. it was still cold (yes - its SNOWED in MAY!), most of my friends had moved away, and i still had no job. seth's wonderful family kindly offered to let me stay with them while we tried to get settled, while i found a job and looked for a place of our own. seth had a job so i sat around moping all day until he came home and we would eat dinner, watch a movie (like i'd been doing most of the day) and then he would go to his house and the day would start again. i was going crazy. i was trying to stay busy with interviews, applications (both for jobs and housing) working on invitations and other wedding business. after #7 happened... things got really great. the hardest part of #6 really was saying good bye to my dear city of angels, my bestest friends, my life. the last few years of my life have made up more of who i am as a person than the previous decades in many ways and leaving that behind was a struggle. i feared i would be giving up that part of me in some way, too. not seeing my roommates every day ended up being the worst part. and although difficult, you never really lose the people who matter. and you get to hold on to whatever parts of yourself you want. so even as priorities change, i still get to stay who i am and who i have become. i still get to define me. utah is getting warmer and it really is the greatest blessing in the world to get to see your love everyday. i could live in antarctica if it meant i got to see him everyday (but pleaaaaase dont ever make me do that baby. i might mean it less if you ever got serious about that idea.)
8. i got a NEW job!
i remember walking in to my interview here and praying, "i came here with the faith that all would be well if i followed my heart and did what i knew was best. i am desperate. i am bored. not having a job is just too hard. please. help renew my faith that it was wise to quit and move to utah right now." the minute i walked into the office, the interview felt different. the CEO greeted me with a warm handshake and a smile and i could tell he was eager to help me in any way he could. after we talked, i knew i wanted this job. not just any job. this job. i share the same faith as those i work with and the atmosphere was very positive. he made me feel an ease rarely found in the workplace and after leaving, i was determined to work here. after a series of interviews, all wonderfully positive, i was offered a position. i now work as an executive administrator/client relations manager for a swiss-based software company called Wendia (pronounced with a V) and i absolutely LOVE it. my colleagues here are wonderful people. its really rewarding to be surrounded by people who are so excited that im getting married and supportive of the path of life im on. one of my coworkers is getting married just days before i am and its been really fun to chat with him about wedding plans. the work is incredibly rewarding too. i get to use many of the talents i cultivated in my los angeles career. i feel that my opinion is valued here and i feel like an integral part of a company that is very team oriented. i look forward to the opportunity i have here to continue to grow and learn. i owe this wonderful opportunity to a former intern of mine and very dear friend, brady toone, who helped me make the connection. what a blessing great friends are in our lives.
9. i found an apartment
sounds easier to do than it was. i will spare details on this story, mostly because it wasnt terribly interesting, just annoying, but i move into my married chateau on friday and i am so very very excited to start playing house.
10. i joined a gym
for people who know me. i know. you make sacrifices for the people you love. becoming a gymrat i guess is mine. i still hate running about as much as ever, and i certainly dont love the weight lifting the way he does, but having someone encourage you the way he does makes me love him more. and he's worth it. i guess. ill make him take me to cafe rio regularly and that will make up for it.
will write again soon. ill be non-committal with my use of the ambiguous word "soon" so as to avoid disappointment when its another 6 months.
ps. i get married in 18 days! hooray!
.j.
