plans change.

remember how we were going to go to law school?  well… as the great robert burns so aptly wrote: “the best laid plans of mice and men [often go awry]."

despite having many things go our way, planning tirelessly, even being admitted to schools we wanted to go to, we’re just not convinced it's a good fit at this time.  we were admitted to Santa Clara – the school we felt would actually be the best academic fit for us, with its focus concentrating on High Tech Intellectual Property law.  only days later, after excitedly planning where we would live, when we would move, seth came to me expressing his doubts about law school being the smartest move for us.

quite honestly, i was rather shocked.  for as long as ive known seth – i thought this is what he wanted to do.  id been so supportive of law school up until this point because the most important thing to me is that seth is doing something he loves.  if this was his dream, of course i was going to be 110% supportive. 

after discussing all the pros and cons – we could find very few pros for attending law school, and a plethora of cons.  additionally, the cons were things that actually got us excited about our future – whereas the pros were based on possibilities, not necessarily actualities – and in and of themselves did not seem very compelling.

for those who know me well, who better to understand seth's decision to reconsider law school than me?  as i heard him working through it, i was reminded so much of my own struggle regarding law school.  i think we can both see that although a fascinating field of study, we may both be better off by knowing we could, and choosing not to. 

after we discussed things, we felt it best to not make any rash decisions and have continued to pursue law school as an option while we labor to determine what is the very best thing for our family.  just the prospect of law school is stressful, whereas this other option fills me with excitement for the future.  i know the future wont be perfect – bringing with it any number of challenges that may change our plans.  but i feel good about this. happy about it. excited. 

it feels to good to be married to someone who has a good head on his shoulders – willing to change his plans, even after putting so much of himself into something (stressing about the LSAT, stressing about the application process, etc.) i am so grateful that he truly is looking out for the best interest of our family and doesn’t want to put us in a stressful position for nothing. 

being able to reevaluate your plans and adapt for the future isnt usually the easiest course of action.  most of the time, its just easier to move forward with a plan, just because its been the plan for so long.  if we arent constantly asking ourselves what is in the best interest for us and our families, i think we may really be missing out on making great things happen.  how many opportunities for growth are missed because we simply want to maintain the status quo?  seth so rightly said, "what is life all about anyway?" i think if we ask ourselves that question more often, we will find more of God in our lives, and be able to rejoice in the many ways we are blessed through His guidance.   

could we really have put all our school years behind us??? stay tuned!

xx

DISNEYLAND!!! (oh and graduation)

so when seth graduated, i wanted to do something fun to celebrate. although he didn’t feel like graduation was a very big deal, janae looooooooves finding things to celebrate, so i planned a trip to our very favorite place: DISNEYLAND!!!

many of you already know that our relationship (or at least the final stages) was a long distance one.  i was in los angeles and he was finishing his computer science degree at BYU.  we only had one weekend a month to spend with each other – which usually meant he came to the city of angels (because utah is not fun.)

having season passes, we spent much of our courting time in the magic kingdom. we sort of joke that at one point in time, half our dates had been to disneyland.  truth be told, that probably 

wasn’t too far from the truth. my first trip to disneyland was only in the summer of 2009, so most of my disney experience has been shared with hubby.   we have a running joke of calling significant places in our relationship “our special place” (thanks to a very funny story told once by my boss in los angeles). the ghetto apartment complex where seth lived when we first met; the domino’s pizza we ate the first time we met; DISNEYLAND. disneyland is our special place.  so, naturally, for Christmas, we bought season passes once again, so the magic wouldn’t end in 2011. 

we spent 4 sun-filled days at disneyland and disney’s california adventure, with momma rogers and family coming to join us on the last day of our trip.  We stayed at a hotel that is suuuuuuuuuuuper cheap.  i didn’t want this trip to count as our REAL vacation (i plan on big vacations – costa rica, hawaii, etc. – disneyland is just a weekend get-away.)  i was a little concerned about how dirty this hotel might be.  i even brought our own sheet, just in case.

Picture of the pool - found online

it wasn’t bad at ALL!  we will seriously stay here any time we go for these weekend trips.  clean (albeit a little old), HUGE swimming pool.  i really felt i had nothing to complain about here.  and it was close to the park, so we went back to the hotel for an afternoon swim or rest (usually both ;)) every day.  it was a good pick. and saved us loads of $$! For what I would guess most people spend on one night a lot of places – we paid for all three nights.  what a deal.

we usually go to disneyland with others (my parents came once, his mom comes with us often) and it was nice to be there together for a change.  BUT. by the third day (when his mom came into town) WE WERE SO BURNT OUT that we were glad some fresh blood had come.  this way, our last day had some renewed vigor and we were our happy little disney-selves :)

all this happened to celebrate seth's graduation, so here are some pictures from that day:

this has to be the cutest picture ever of a graduate.
dont i have the cutest hubby???

seth with his grandfather

seth with his parents 

seth and janae

seth’s parents and grandfather came up from arizona to celebrate with us and be there to see him graduate.  momma rogers went with us to the mall one day and talked us both into buying Keen’s for our disney adventures.  most people who know me know i have a rather strong affinity for shoes and its like pulling teeth to get me into an athletic pair.  i like cute sandals, ultra high stilettos, fun wedges. running shoes are definitely not my thing (i have a hard time spending $100 on a pair of shoes i will ONLY wear to the gym). so uber outdoorsy shoes, like keens are so beyond what i can rationalize myself into buying.  they are not hideous or anything – but i feel like such a dork in them and really out of my element.  anyway – momma rogers is a good convincer (although it probably took her an hour and a few walks around the mall to do it) and seth and i both bought a pair. 

my feet still hurt a lot after 4 days at disney – and i relished the time i spent soaking them in our pool – but all in all – i think they were a good purchase.  and they’ll be fun to have on some of our other adventures to come (like hiking through the rainforest in costa rica!)

see more pictures of our california adventures here, where seth forgets what letter he's supposed to do on  our  my favorite ride ever.

and in particular here, where my artistic abilities are clearly expanding due to disney's animation studios.

LOTS more updates to come.  just wanted to post some of these pix – i hate how bad i am at blogging.

xx

why does facebook think i'm baby hungry?

i was noticing the other day that facebook is like WAY too aware of my life. it knows all my secrets. like that i love cupcakes. it taunts me with side bar ads that say there are delicious cupcakes waiting for me in *my* area. its creepy. and makes me hungry. when i was a single, it was constantly telling me about all the hot singles in my area. when i listed myself as "in a relationship," it suddenly had info on engagement rings. what's with the push facebook? i was just in a relationship. were you trying to get me to itch for a ring? well it worked. i got "engaged" so the engagement rings turned to wedding photographers, flower guides, wedding dresses. now, i've been married for 8 months and all of a sudden, facebook thinks its time for yet another nudge. familyplanning.com and motherhood info keep popping up with baby bumps appearing in all the ads. what's up with that facebook? are you implying my biological clock is ticking and that after only 8 months of marriage, i need to be on the baby train?

you cant trick me facebook. not at least until i can get hubby to buy into all the baby names i love :)

it's oscar's season!!!

Almost better than christmas. For those who know me well, you know I LOVE the Academy Awards. It’s more like an obsession, really. Printing out ballots, drinking classy beverages and preparing way too complicated hors d’oeuvres, dressing up fancy. I can’t get enough of it. My infatuation no doubt stems from my love for film and my desire to dress in pretty things :) Any excuse to watch most of the movies released this year is a good one, right?

However, when casting my own votes for winners, I don’t like to solely predict what the Academy will pick, but rather what (or who) I think should win. I think I do this because no matter how old I get, I still hold on to the delusion that someday the Academy will beg me to be in their allusive group of overly critical-slash-politically-progressive individuals and they will be dying for MY opinion on what SHOULD win – not what necessarily will.

Anyway – this blog post isn’t so much about getting the “right” “predictions” as it is about casting my vote. Very little about getting it “right” and very much about doing it right – watch all the films and give my best evaluations. Based on the nominees, this is what I vote: (and I’m omitting categories I either don’t care about or have no educated opinion to provide.)

Best Short Film (Animated) Nominations:

‘Day & Night’ – Teddy Newton

‘The Gruffalo’ – Jakob Schuh & Max Lang

‘Let’s Pollute’ – Geefwee Boedoe

‘The Lost Thing’ – Shaun Tan & Andrew Ruhemann

‘Madagascar, carnet de voyage’ – Bastien Dubois

My Vote: Pixar always does a fantastic job with their animated shorts. The old man playing chess with himself, Jack Jack Attack, the bouncing sheep. I love them all. And while Day & Night has a beautiful message about accepting the beauty in something we don’t understand, and its lovely throwback to traditional animation is endearing, it’s hardly the best animated short of the year. But The Gruffalo! Tender with fantastic animation – combined with the sentiments of a children’s tale, make for the best animated short. Loved it.

Best Original Screenplay Nominations:

‘Another Year’ – Mike Leigh

‘The Fighter’ – Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson

‘Inception’ – Christopher Nolan

‘The Kids Are All Right’ – Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg

‘The King’s Speech’ – David Seidler

My Vote: The King’s Speech. The screenplay MAKES this film. Another Year? Yawn. The Fighter, albeit terrific, the acting was the standout. Inception? I don’t think anyone loved this movie for its script – although the plot was MORE than fantastic – the script itself was nothing more than mediocre. The Kids Are All Right could win this one, but i'm still gunning for King’s Speech. Who thought a speech impediment could be so inspiring? And Geoffrey Rush’s witty sarcasm? LOVE it.

Best Adapted Screenplay Nominations:

‘127 Hours’ – Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy

‘The Social Network’ – Aaron Sorkin

‘Toy Story 3’ – John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton & Lee Unkrich

‘True Grit’ – Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

‘Winter’s Bone’ – Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini

My Vote: The Social Network. Done and Done. Sorkin’s unbelievably witty prose deserves this win hands down.

Best Art Direction Nominations:

‘Alice in Wonderland’ – Production Design: Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara

‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I’ – Production Design: Stuart Craig; Set Decoration: Stephenie McMillan

‘Inception’ – Production Design: Guy Hendrix Dyas; Set Decoration: Larry Dias & Doug Mowat

‘The King’s Speech’ – Production Design: Eve Stewart; Set Decoration: Judy Farr

‘True Grit’ – Production Design: Jess Gonchor; Set Decoration: Nancy Haigh

My Vote: Although it may not win, it will be a shame for any film to win this award except Alice in Wonderland. If nothing else, the art direction was FANTASTIC. Each scene was a masterpiece. Exceptional. Extraordinary. Visually stunning in each and every scene. IF this doesn’t win, The King’s Speech will, if nothing else but due to the extraordinary task of dressing a set for 1930’s London, including a palace. Talk about daunting. I would be happy to see either film take this category.

Best Costume Design Nominations:

‘Alice in Wonderland’ – Colleen Atwood

‘I Am Love’ – Antonella Cannarozzi

‘The King’s Speech’ – Jenny Beavan

‘The Tempest’ – Sandy Powell

‘True Grit’ – Mary Zophres

My Vote: I feel like movies about British monarchs always win this one. Although I think Alice in Wonderland is AH-MAZE-ING, I think period pieces like The King’s Speech really deserve the prize.

Best Sound Editing Nominations:

‘Inception’ – Richard King

‘Toy Story 3’ – Tom Myers & Michael Silvers

'Tron: Legacy’ – Gwendolyn Yates Whittle & Addison Teague

‘True Grit’ – Skip Lievsay & Craig Berkey

‘Unstoppable’ – Mark P. Stoeckinger

My Vote: Can Inception please win this one? I’m probably grasping at straws, but I want it to win more than visual effects. Any one of these could easily win, however, and I would be content.

Best Sound Mixing Nominations:

‘Inception’ – Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo & Ed Novick

‘The King’s Speech’ – Paul Hamblin, Martin Jensen & John Midgley

‘Salt’ – Jeffrey J. Haboush, Greg P. Russell, Scott Millan & William Sarokin

‘The Social Network’ – Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick & Mark Weingarten

‘True Grit’ – Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff & Peter F. Kurland

My Vote: Hmmm. I think Inception will probably be the most overlooked movie of the year and I’m surprised honestly that The Social Network made it on this list. I did not find the Sound Mixing to be extraordinary. My guess: King’s Speech. And I’ll be happy for it to win. The King’s Speech will sweep at the Oscars and I suspect this will be one of the categories it takes a broom to.

Best Foreign Language Film Nominations:

‘Biutiful’ – Mexico

‘Dogtooth’ – Greece

‘In A Better World’ – Denmark

'Incendies’ – Canada

'Outside the Law’ – Algeria

My Vote: Unfortunately, I haven’t seen ANY of these. Sad? Yes. Based on my research, however, and LOVE for Javier Bardem, I am going to vote for Biutiful. The way Dogtooth is filmed reminds me of an Orbit gum commercial, with a weird blend of sardonic humor and violence. I must say though, the line: “I hope your kids have bad influences and develop bad personalities. I hope this with all my heart,” has me intrigued. Incendies looks particularly interesting and I do hope to watch it. Outside the Law is sure to be an excellent piece, but surely the Academy won’t care all that much about a war that actually (*gasp) didn’t involve us.

Best Film Editing Nominations:

‘Black Swan’ – Andrew Weisblum

‘The Fighter’ – Pamela Martin

'The King’s Speech’ – Tariq Anwar

'127 Hours’ – Jon Harris

'The Social Network’ – Angus Wall & Kirk Baxter

My Vote: This one isn’t a particularly hard choice, with the clear frontrunner as The Social Network. I wouldn’t be disappointed to see 127 Hours win (truly a film led by its film editing) but I think The Social Network should, and will, take it. For a film to jump timelines as often as this film does, as FLAWLESSLY as this film does, it would really be a shame for any other film to take home Mr. Oscar.

Best Documentary Feature Nominations:

'Exit Through the Gift Shop'

'Gasland’

'Inside Job’

'Restrepo’

'Waste Land’

My Vote: So I desperately want Exit Through the Gift Shop to win. Clark Ludlow will know why. We love the idea of anything Banksy-related and a film that feeds his allure and intrigue? Sign.Me.Up. But it takes a while to get to him – too long. And then the film ends up not really being about him at all. disappointing. And Restrepo is probably a bit better of a choice, anyway. It has a much more profound story to tell, which expresses an accurate commentary of our time. LOVE YOU BANKSY, your hooded and voice modulated self, loved tracking your art all over LA… but… isn’t street art like so last year? (or better yet, so 1992?)

Best Animated Feature Film Nominations:

'How to Train Your Dragon’

'Illusionist’

'Toy Story 3’

My Vote: HOW ON EARTH DID DESPICABLE ME GET MISSED HERE???? I was not happy to learn this. I would hate to have the THIRD MOVIE in a trilogy win Best Animated Feature Film (albeit the best in the trilogy.) I am also surprised Tangled didn’t make it into the mix. It was fun, adventurous, and very refreshing to have Disney get back to its roots a little bit. How to Train Your Dragon was SUCH a cute movie. But I guess I’m going to have to settle for Toy Story 3 to take home the win, mostly because it would take a lot for me to vote for an animated feature not made by Disney… like the genius of Despicable Me.

Best Visual Effects Nominations:

'Alice in Wonderland’ – Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas & Sean Phillips

'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I’ – Tim Burke, John Richardson, Christian Manz & Nicolas Aithadi

'Hereafter’ – Michael Owens, Bryan Grill, Sephan Trojanski & Joe Farrell

'Inception’ – Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley & Peter Bebb

'Iron Man 2’ – Janek Sirrs, Ben Snow, Ged Wright & Daniel Sudick

My Vote: Inception. Duh. Alice was really cool, and HP 7 – great, great, great. But Inception MUST win this category. It should win so much more, but it won’t, so this is the category it will rein supreme in. No one can argue that there is a single moment in this film where you aren’t thinking WOW – this looks so freaking awesome.

Best Original Song Nominations:

'Country Strong’ – Coming Home, Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges & Hillary Lindsey

'Tangled’ – I See the Light, Music by Alan Menken & Lyric by Glenn Slater

'127 Hours’ – If I Rise, Music by A.R. Rahman & Lyric by Dido and Rollo Armstrong

'Toy Story 3’ – We Belong Together, Music and Lyric by Randy Newman

My Vote: My vote goes to Gwyneth. Because she’s lovely. Because the song is touching. Because although I need her to steer clear of becoming a middle-aged Miley Cyrus, I do quite enjoy her singing. Alan Menkin’s I See the Light is… well… just too Alan Menkin. If I Rise is eerie and indie and cool. But probably not something I would listen to outside of watching the movie itself. Randy Newman’s We Belong Together is just precious. And I love Toy Story 3. But I like that Country Strong’s Coming Home is bigger than the movie. If I heard it on the radio, I would want to listen to it. And I think it’s the only one this year that offers that. If that doesn’t win, my best guess is If I Rise.

Best Original Score Nominations:

'How to Train Your Dragon’ – John Powell

'Inception’ – Hans Zimmer

'The King’s Speech’ – Alexandre Desplat

'127 Hours’ – A.R. Rahman

'The Social Network’ – Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

My Vote: Inception. Hands down. If Hans Zimmer made a film this year, the award MUST go to him. His score just resonates with you. No one can forget the resounding “DUN. DUN.” Paired with the film’s trailer. Clearly the standout. Most people, and probably the Academy, will disagree… but I stand by my vote.

Best Cinematography Nominations:

'Black Swan’ – Matthew Libatique

'Inception’ – Wally Pfister

'The King’s Speech’ – Danny Cohen

'The Social Network’ – Jeff Cronenweth

'True Grit’ – Roger Deakins

My Vote: SO HARD! Cinematography makes a movie. Inception. Wow. Black Swan. Incredible. The King’s Speech. Amazing. I’m going to have to go with Black Swan on this one because the Cinematography just plays such an integral role in the success of the film. He uses it seamlessly to contribute to the confusion and dark nature of the film. The story really is told through the eyes of this cinematographer and Black Swan deserves this win.

Best Supporting Actor Nominations:

'The Fighter’ – Christian Bale

'Winter’s Bone’ – John Hawkes

'The Town’ – Jeremy Renner

'The Kids Are All Right” – Mark Ruffalo

'The King’s Speech’ – Geoffrey Rush

My Vote: OH.EM.GEE. If Christian Bale doesn’t win in this category, they system is BROKEN. Sure, I loved Jeremy Renner in The Town. He was great. Geoffrey Rush, does he EVER deliver a poor performance? And he was positively brilliant in The King’s Speech. Very witty and clever in his role. I’ve heard a lot of buzz about Andrew Garfield being snubbed on the Oscar nod. Sure, he was good, too. And perhaps he deserved a nomination. But NO ONE deserves the win half as much as Mr. Bale. I love him in Batman. I love him in the Machinist. Heck, I even love him in The Newsies. But his portrayal of Dicky Ecklund in The Fighter is UNREAL. I remember watching him in the Machinist and seeing him transform into this emaciated ghost of a man, but in The Fighter, he BECOMES Dicky Ecklund. He’s funny albeit depressing and when he finally chooses to conquer his demons and face his mistakes, I find myself cheering him on. At the end of the movie you see the real Dicky for a few moments talking to the camera about his crack addiction and it really is unreal how Bale became this person. LOVED HIM.

Best Supporting Actress Nominations:

'The Fighter’ – Amy Adams

'The King’s Speech’ – Helena Bonham Carter

'The Fighter’ – Melissa Leo

'True Grit’ – Hailee Steinfeld

'Animal Kingdom’ – Jacki Weaver

My Vote: This is a tough one for me just because while I actually really enjoyed all of their performances, none of them were CRAZY awesome. I think I would have to vote for Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit just for the mere fact that I was surprised by my adoration of her. She is clever and tough and I left the theater impressed by her. I attribute much of her success to the actual writers of the film – what witty banter they wrote for her! But she delivers it flawlessly and she gave a portrayal worth remembering. Sorry Amy Adams – just because you can go from being an animated princess to trailer trash who uses the f-bomb every other word – while believable, frankly, I just didn’t like you. I would be happy to see Helena Bonham Carter win anything because she is brilliant, always. But Melissa Leo might get the win – and she pulls off an insane drug-addicted, trailer park, manipulative mother better than the ones back home.

Best Actor Nominations:

'Biutiful’ – Javier Bardem

'True Grit’ – Jeff Bridges

'The Social Network’ – Jesse Eisenberg

'The King’s Speech’ – Colin Firth

'127 Hours’ – James Franco

My Vote: My hope against hope is that Colin Firth will take this golden statue for his role in The King’s Speech. While I think James Franco’s performance is OUTSTANDING (let’s face it, cutting your own arm off trumps a speech impediment any day) I think Colin Firth’s inspirational and moving performance as King George VI, combined with the beauty of the film, will win this award. Besides, I’ve been rooting for him since he played Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy in BBC’s Pride and Prejudice… Mr. Darcy deserves an Oscar.

Best Actress Nominations:

'The Kids Are All Right’ – Annette Bening

'Rabbit Hole’ – Nicole Kidman

'Winter’s Bone’ – Jennifer Lawrence

'Black Swan’ – Natalie Portman

'Blue Valentine’ – Michelle Williams

My Vote: If Natalie Portman doesn’t win this category, I really will be sad. I know the others were brilliant in their own right but I have to say her performance in Black Swan was riveting, chilling, and completely off-the-charts fantastic. I felt confused with her, powerful with her, frustrated with her. She made this deeply dark film fantastic. Now Academy – if you vote for your token faves, Nicole and Annette, I’ll beat you. I’m ready for Natalie to become the new Oscar favorite – because I think she’s lovely and brilliant and willing to really stretch herself. I’m bored with Nicole. I’m bored with Annette. Who cares about Jennifer Lawrence? And Blue Valentine only deserves a win for the most overly-hyped movie of the year.

Best Director Nominations:

'Black Swan’ – Darren Aronofsky

'The Fighter’ – David O. Russell

'The King’s Speech’ – Tim Hooper

'The Social Network’ – David Fincher

'True Grit’ – Joel & Ethan Coen

My Vote: This category is a little tricky. I’m disappointed that Chris Nolan didn’t get an Oscar nod. He awes and inspires me. And I would give him this category for basically any movie he’s ever done – and Inception really went above and beyond. I’m tired of cinematic geniuses being overlooked. I worry that Nolan will be our generation’s Alfred Hitchcock. *Sigh. But I digress. I’m ruling out True Grit, mostly because although I enjoy their films, I’m tired of the Coen Brothers taking everything. Although I feel each of the other movies would be good candidates, I hope that David Russell will take home the win. He evoked such resounding performances from each and every character in the film… he deserves it.

Best Picture Nominations:

‘Black Swan’

'The Fighter’

'Inception’

'The Kids Are All Right’

'The King’s Speech’

'127 Hours’

'The Social Network’

'Toy Story 3’

'True Grit’

'Winter’s Bone’

My Vote: Probably the toughest category, although c’mon, Academy. Stop putting token movies in the category. I loved Toy Story 3. But Best Picture of the whole year? Please. I was BLOWN AWAY by Black Swan. Natalie Portman is a goddess and her inner darkness just had me jumpy and confused. Really a masterpiece. The King’s Speech – talk about taking a droll topic and making it an exceptional work of art. Inception? Brilliant – Christopher Nolan never fails me. The Fighter and 127 Hours were equally riveting. Even Winter’s Bone has its good points, despite being about such a horrible topic that I’d really rather not watch an entire film devoted to. However, my vote goes to The Social Network – not because I feel like it is really the best picture made this last year, but because it tells the story of our generation. If nothing else, it’s a defining film, and to truly win Best Picture I feel you have to achieve a proper commentary on our times. The Social Network does this and more with a shining cast and witty script. If this one doesn't take it home, it will be The King's Speech.

Now go print off a ballot - and let me know what you think! I'd love to hear your predictions and thoughts! love to you all.

im really bad at posting to my blog.

i apologize for this.

ive never been very good at keeping up a journal. how could i ever hope to keep up with an online version? i probably never will. it will probably be the on-going battle of my life. a regular new years resolution that gets abandoned every January 2nd, yet rediscovered every December 31st. perhaps im not a total lost cause, as it is only june. but i do love catching up - so here it goes.

the top ten things that have changed since my last post:

1.) im not in baghdad anymore.

obviously. what an incredible experience though. i learned so much from my colleagues and friends there - i grew both professionally and personally, on so many levels. i am often asked if i was afraid there, if i feared for my life, and if i am so glad to be home. the answers are no, no, and yes. but perhaps not for the reasons you think. especially if that third question was asked AFTER questions one and/or two. of course baghdad was (and is) still a war zone and perhaps i should have been more "afraid." but the people there are beautiful, wonderful people with bright hopes for their future and i saw this experience as a chance to grow and learn from them. bombs go off and i suppose that provides moderate reason to fear. there are misperceptions about americans, and that provides moderate reason to fear. but i just followed the rules and did my best and returned home a little wiser (hopefully) than when i left. on this project i was surrounded by some of the brightest, most impressively intellectual people i have ever had the pleasure of having a conversation with. it was quite rewarding to exchange dialogue with them and hear about their lives, their perceptions, and their experiences. my life is richer to know them and i am SO grateful for their friendship and contributions to their country and the world.

2. i visited china (finally)

on my journey home from the middle east, i finally was able to complete a MUCH AWAITED trip to china. the more i see of the world, the more in awe i am of it. there is too much to see and too many to meet. witnessing the beauty of cultures different than my own, while experiencing their nature, climbing their architecture, and learning their history makes me grateful for diversity and for this wonderful world that god has created for us. i feel lucky, humbled, and excited for future travels.

3. i got engaged! (the best one! - but im kind of doing these in chronological order...)

to my best friend. i am sure many of you already know the story, but this is my blog and im sharing it again :) seth and i met at the very beginning of my senior year of college. i had just had my surgery (brain surgery for those who dont know... but if you dont know... where have you been???) a few weeks before and had returned to school. things could not have seemed better for janae in life. through mutual friends who had known each other their freshman year of college, we ended up hanging out one evening. seth had just gotten home from his mission in south korea. a bit awkward with girls (but so adorable) he and i, along with our friends, went to get oreo pizza at domino's down the street in provo. we hit it off right away. i was very enamored with all his talk about teaching swim lessons before his mission and the way his face lit up when he talked about his nieces and nephew. he asked for my number that night and through the power of texting, or relationship blossomed. from here, the particulars get less interesting. we dated on and off that year but the timing was just off. seth was just beginning school and i was heading out to the city of angels to pursue life. so i left. he would come and visit every now and then. a few times a year. we would talk with some regularity, but it seemed this relationship was fading into the background. until i left for baghdad. the last few times i saw seth before i left for iraq, he seemed different. grown in many ways. i pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind. both because it was hard to believe he was changing and because i wasnt sure i still felt the same way. when i left, i could tell it was hard on him and he would write me often while i was gone. he planned to visit me out in LA at christmastime, just after i returned. after his nephew coyly asked me when i was going to marry seth, it didnt take me long to hope that things were different this time. we were making wedding plans within the month. we agreed to a long distance relationship for a while, but quickly realizing how we both felt, he proposed at the Mesa, Arizona temple on March 12 and #4 ensued. ask me about the proposal btw. it was very adorable.

4. i quit my job in LA - without having another one (eep!)

as we started to make plans, we decided we didnt want to stay apart any longer. seeing each other once a month for only a weekend at a time was taking its toll and we were ready to start our life together. i started looking for jobs in utah, but NOTHING. i applied and applied and applied. i wasnt even getting jobs i was ten million times over-qualified for. it was demoralizing. i didnt know what to do. i had a great job in LA. he was considering law school at UCLA. should we wait to get married until he was done with his undergrad and could move out to me. upon much fasting and prayer, we decided that i needed to move to him. by the time #5 happened. i put in my notice at work. kept my fingers crossed something would work out. my due date for having something else came and went. so... embarking with a leap of faith, i packed my office (and my house) and went on my way.

5. i went to the temple

what a wonderfully joyous experience. it was so beautiful to have my whole family there with me in the Portland, Oregon temple. I felt very blessed to be able to attend with all my siblings and my parents; but nothing could have been more wonderful than to have seth be there with me. it was truly a wonderful day and so exciting!

6. i moved back to utah (barf)

but not so barf. it was hard, for sure. everything i remembered it being, except less friends this time. and less purpose. it was still cold (yes - its SNOWED in MAY!), most of my friends had moved away, and i still had no job. seth's wonderful family kindly offered to let me stay with them while we tried to get settled, while i found a job and looked for a place of our own. seth had a job so i sat around moping all day until he came home and we would eat dinner, watch a movie (like i'd been doing most of the day) and then he would go to his house and the day would start again. i was going crazy. i was trying to stay busy with interviews, applications (both for jobs and housing) working on invitations and other wedding business. after #7 happened... things got really great. the hardest part of #6 really was saying good bye to my dear city of angels, my bestest friends, my life. the last few years of my life have made up more of who i am as a person than the previous decades in many ways and leaving that behind was a struggle. i feared i would be giving up that part of me in some way, too. not seeing my roommates every day ended up being the worst part. and although difficult, you never really lose the people who matter. and you get to hold on to whatever parts of yourself you want. so even as priorities change, i still get to stay who i am and who i have become. i still get to define me. utah is getting warmer and it really is the greatest blessing in the world to get to see your love everyday. i could live in antarctica if it meant i got to see him everyday (but pleaaaaase dont ever make me do that baby. i might mean it less if you ever got serious about that idea.)

8. i got a NEW job!

i remember walking in to my interview here and praying, "i came here with the faith that all would be well if i followed my heart and did what i knew was best. i am desperate. i am bored. not having a job is just too hard. please. help renew my faith that it was wise to quit and move to utah right now." the minute i walked into the office, the interview felt different. the CEO greeted me with a warm handshake and a smile and i could tell he was eager to help me in any way he could. after we talked, i knew i wanted this job. not just any job. this job. i share the same faith as those i work with and the atmosphere was very positive. he made me feel an ease rarely found in the workplace and after leaving, i was determined to work here. after a series of interviews, all wonderfully positive, i was offered a position. i now work as an executive administrator/client relations manager for a swiss-based software company called Wendia (pronounced with a V) and i absolutely LOVE it. my colleagues here are wonderful people. its really rewarding to be surrounded by people who are so excited that im getting married and supportive of the path of life im on. one of my coworkers is getting married just days before i am and its been really fun to chat with him about wedding plans. the work is incredibly rewarding too. i get to use many of the talents i cultivated in my los angeles career. i feel that my opinion is valued here and i feel like an integral part of a company that is very team oriented. i look forward to the opportunity i have here to continue to grow and learn. i owe this wonderful opportunity to a former intern of mine and very dear friend, brady toone, who helped me make the connection. what a blessing great friends are in our lives.

9. i found an apartment

sounds easier to do than it was. i will spare details on this story, mostly because it wasnt terribly interesting, just annoying, but i move into my married chateau on friday and i am so very very excited to start playing house.

10. i joined a gym

for people who know me. i know. you make sacrifices for the people you love. becoming a gymrat i guess is mine. i still hate running about as much as ever, and i certainly dont love the weight lifting the way he does, but having someone encourage you the way he does makes me love him more. and he's worth it. i guess. ill make him take me to cafe rio regularly and that will make up for it.

will write again soon. ill be non-committal with my use of the ambiguous word "soon" so as to avoid disappointment when its another 6 months.

ps. i get married in 18 days! hooray!

.j.

once upon a time in babylon... ذات مرة في بابل

تحية من بغداد!

Greetings from Baghdad!

I’ve been contemplating for a while about where to start with my experiences here in Iraq. I’ve promised so many people I would explain things in better detail – I’ve just been so incredibly busy since the day I arrived, that I haven’t had a chance to even think about it all.

For starters, let me explain what I’ve been-slash-will be doing out here. I am the reporting policy analyst for the largest USAID funded project in the world. It’s called the Local Governance Program. We were established out here to help implement the 2008 Provincial Powers Act, or Law 21, under the new Iraqi government.

I’ll be careful while explaining this in American terms, but for it to make sense, I’ll try to illustrate it as best I can.

Historically, Iraq has been governed entirely at the “federal” level. Meaning, Iraq has essentially only really had a central government. They operate with Ministries in each province (or state – in the America example) to hand out funding. The PPA attempts to dole out the power. The law calls for the election of governors for each province, as well as a Provincial Council.

Unfortunately, that’s almost all it does.

At this point in time, these elected officials essentially still have no power. They do not have the power to raise funds. They do not have the power to enact laws in their regions. They do not have the power to really affect change.

Yet.

Our mission here is to help provide technical assistance to the Iraqi leaders to help them determine what the PPA and other laws will allow them to do. We are attempting to break down the structure that existed under Saddam Hussein and the Ba’athist regime – to hopefully give the individual Iraqi, who varies just as much as any American, the ability to have a voice in the place where they live.

This is obviously easier said than done, but we are making progress and I feel like I actually get to be a part of something so much bigger than me. I originally came out here as an assistant to an incredible writer, Samer Badawi, but about the time I got here, things changed. Samer decided to take a position out in Afghanistan, and now I’m the only one working in the reporting department. After only being here for a couple weeks, I’m left with a lot of responsibility. But I feel pretty prepared. And because this work is so meaningful, I am so excited about getting to do it.

Now, you may ask, what’s it like in Baghdad?

Well I live on a compound inside the International Zone (IZ). RTI, the USAID contractor I work for, built a compound on the palace grounds of Uday Hussein, Saddam’s eldest son. The palace itself was demolished after the first surge in Baghdad. The palace was used as a bunker site, one of many, and was therefore one of the first buildings to be bombed by Coalition Forces. Its pretty cool though. Our offices are built inside his garage and front gate. He had an underground parking garage too where he kept hundreds of expensive luxury and classic vehicles. They’ve since buried the entrances and flooded it, but there are lots of rumors that many of these cars were left down there.

Uday was a pretty disgusting human being – he had a zoo (the space where our bungalows are now built) where he also kept tigers and lions. One of the lion cages is still up, next to the zoo keeper’s house, where we play pool, watch tv, and play poker. He used to pick beautiful women off the street, rape them, and then feed them to his lions and tigers. He was really brutal to Iraqi athletes, too. He was the head of the Olympic committee in Iraq … let’s just say he did really awful things.

They also have this pool, once a playground for Uday, that I go to often that is BEAUTIFUL. It’s unfortunate that it has such a disgusting former owner, but Saddam built it to help Uday recuperate after an attempt on his life left him crippled. Anyway, its pretty awesome.

The IZ is different than any other part of Iraq. It is a more secure zone, and where most government offices are. Many of Saddam’s Baghdad palaces are here, including Al-Salam, where Camp Prosperity is. I’m not allowed off our compound, even in the IZ, without another person. I can’t leave the IZ without an armed security detail. Both precautions are very good. Once I was coming back from a lunch at Camp Prosperity and the security guard pulled my head out the window to look at my badge and told me how beautiful I was. It was sort of scary. Fortunately, I had people with me.

I’ve gone to the US Embassy here a few times. It looks like a prison. It’s the largest, most expensive embassy in the world. Its like its own little country in there. Kind of awesome, but kind of strange, too. I was going there a lot for meals, but its kind of a target for missiles, so we’re not encouraged to go there. We have our own place for food, with a bunch of Danish soldiers. Its much closer and that’s usually where we go. The food is very limited and gets REALLY old, but its better to be safe.

Everyone I work with has these great life stories – I feel like I learn so much from them. I’ve had incredible opportunities to talk about the gospel here, too. We interact with many local Iraqi’s and its great to hear their perspective on religion and politics and culture and faith. I admire them so much and all the things they have been through. I want to write more on that later, but I just admire this people, very much. I love the fact that we can learn about each other’s lives and each other’s beliefs without anyone getting offended. I can pray over my meals and reference prophets and scripture and not get funny looks. It’s a really good place to be.

As far as the looks of Baghdad, it looks like a war zone. Check points everywhere, t-walls, hummers, tanks, machine guns, razor wire – you name it. Signs toppled on their sides, litter, mangy dogs… and the only people you really see are the military, mostly Iraqi, but some from Uganda, El Salvador, Peru, and, of course, the US. But Iraqi’s have taken control over the majority of the check points, so that’s predominately who you see.

I took a drive with my friend Muhannad the other day down to the Tigris. the TIGRIS. I seriously cant believe i live here.

I’m tired, I promise to write more, but this is what I have to say about my first 16 days in Iraq. More to come. I PROMISE.

سلام الله يكون معك

Peace of God be with you.

You know that healthcare reform bill? Here's why it sucks.

So here’s the deal on healthcare reform. I get it. I get that everyone needs and SHOULD HAVE healthcare.

However.

Socializing healthcare is not the way to accomplish this task. I often hear, when I express my opinion on the matter, “don’t you care about your fellow men? don’t you want them to have healthcare, too?” I think just about everybody’s facebook status these days reads something to the effect that “no one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick.”

I agree with ALL these sentiments. Of course I care about my fellow men. Of course I think everyone should have the healthcare they need. Of course no one should die because they cannot afford healthcare or go broke because they get sick. But that’s not the point. When people try to play me this “don’t you care,” card, I can’t help feeling the hypocrisy of it all. You’ve missed the point. That’s not how CARING is supposed to work. I don’t show I care by forcing everyone in the nation to “care” and unwillingly give money to the poor/uninsured/insert-your-socialized-program-here. I show I care by donating myself, utilizing my own agency and will, to help those in need. I show I care by volunteering, by ACTUALLY serving and giving my time and talents. It takes no effort at all to put up a facebook status calling everyone heartless SOB’s who OBVIOUSLY don’t care about their fellow human beings because they don’t support this particular brand of healthcare reform. On that same token, it takes no effort at all to have the government take more money from you every month to do something you should be doing by free will. Why do you need the government to take your money and decide what it’s going to be used for when it comes to charity? Because you’re LAZY and don’t want to waste your time going out and helping the poor yourself. You’ll say, I just don’t have time for that or whatever your excuse is… but your passive “charity” isn’t charity at all… it’s mandated taxes. There are no blessings in heaven for what is forcefully taken from you. Only when we exercise our will to help others are we doing what the Lord would have us do.

That’s why communism is such a bad idea. Socialism is the same. Helping others, having charity, CANNOT come from mandates and acts of force. At that point, it ceases to be charity. Do I think we ALL should give more of our time and energies to charities we believe in? Do I believe that we are all capable of giving and doing a little more when we donate to worthy causes? Absolutely. Do I believe that everyone should have access to healthcare and that we, as individuals, have a certain obligation to look out for the welfare of our fellow men? Obviously. But it CANNOT be mandated.

Socialism removes the desire and the personal connection one can feel by serving and being served. I don’t know anyone who gets that warm fuzzy when they see the line on their paystub marked “taxes.” The reason so many in socialized welfare programs are ungrateful is because they have no sense of those who are serving them. It’s not a service anymore. It’s something they are “owed.” You are not OWED anything. It is out of the goodness of others’ hearts that you will be looked after when you are down. It is then your social obligation to go out and serve others, as others have served you. This humanity, this social interconnectedness is lost when the government seizes control of my opportunities to serve others.

As if these reasons are not enough – I have personal reasons to feel that socialized healthcare makes no practical sense.

With a thousand points to argue… I will merely argue one, because it affected me personally. I became very sick a few years ago and the first doctor I went to was a tool. I didn’t like him or feel like he addressed my problem. I saw two more doctors in Utah, all who generally made me feel the same way. My father, having worked in a school district always had great health benefits while I was growing up. But at this point, my father was retired, now on medicare, and had to pay separately and independently my healthcare (he and my mother agreed to do this while I was still in college.) Fortunately, they paid for really great health coverage. When things weren’t getting better, I withdrew from school and went home for the summer. My mother had made me an appointment with a doctor in Portland and felt really strongly that I should keep the appointment (even though I kept saying, ALL these other doctors say to wait.) I went, however, and IMMEDIATELY knew I’d found the right place. The clinicians were wonderful, I felt so at home, and the doctor had pioneered a new surgery that was exactly what I needed. MRI’s now showed a drastic change in my status, and this doctor had to act quickly (much quicker than the prior surgeons thought would be necessary.)

If socialized healthcare had existed at this time, I cannot say what would have happened. I imagine, however, that instead of making my parents pay for healthcare for me, I would have gone on that, thinking that nothing could possibly come up that this “free” healthcare wouldn’t cover. I made next to nothing, so certainly I would have qualified. But after having seen one specialist, this social healthcare would have said, “one doctor said everything is fine, so everything is fine.” How differently things could have turned out had I stopped at one doctor.

I’m not saying the system we have now is perfect, or even a good one. But it’s much better than the one they are proposing. Please don’t take away my right to act as a free agent. Don’t give my employer incentive to stop insuring me. Don’t give me and my peers incentive to not find the BEST healthcare for ourselves and our situations. Most of all, please do not take away my fundamental right to act charitably toward my fellow men. I have the RIGHT to the joy that only comes through willful sevice.

Mandated charity always faileth.

(and, yes, mr. obama... i hope you and your fishermen find fishy speech in here...)

i tried to avoid it...

but there are so many issues id like to address on the subject...

*warning* prop 8 discussed below.

since moving to the city of angels, i have had to deal with a few issues i never used to think were issues. as many of you know, proposition 8, a california proposition to define marriage as only recognized as being between a man and a woman, was passed on the ballot by a 52% majority in November. the same people who elected your man obama... helped pass this law. now what i have difficulty understanding is not the difference of opinion that circulates around this issue. I fully know and accept that many people will not only disagree with my opinion on this subject, they may hate me for it. without knowing anything about me, other than that i dont believe marriage is anything other than one man and one woman, they hate me.

i find this ironic on so many levels.

i made a video on youtube at the request of a friend who was compiling videos of YES on 8ers. i stopped reading the comments after a very short period of time because they were so hateful and ignorant. see the video (and the comments, if you like) here. in the video, i talk about having gay friends and how me voting yes has no bearing on my love for them. my purpose in making the video was not to convince anyone of my view point, but merely to express that you arent a bad person for feeling conflicted about the issue, and that voting yes doesnt make you hateful or mean or ignorant. it just means you have one reason or another for believing that marriage is between one man and one woman only. many of the comments say that there is no way i could possibly have gay friends and if i did, they would hate me for voting yes.

fortunately, i choose better friends than that. it, in fact, is not a lie when i say i have MANY gay friends. all of whom, even through disagreements, can see more to me than a "yes" or "no" vote on a proposition, many of whom, even understand why i would vote the way i did. they respect me. i respect them. respect does not require agreement. to tell me, and millions of others like me, that we should be ashamed of ourselves (see sean penn's acceptance speech at the oscars) for voting yes on prop 8 is arrogant, discriminatory, and, in my opinion, lacks fundamental understanding and is, therefore, ignorant. these people say things like "i dont understand how anyone could vote yes on this." isnt THAT the definition of being ignorant? being educated on an issue means understanding and appreciating both sides of it while maintaining your personal point of view. i fully understand the other side. i respect the fact that millions of californians voted no on proposition 8 and fully support their right to do so. however, democracy was exercised. if it had gone the other way, which i am certain in the coming years it will, i would never dream of trying to use a backdoor to negate the will of the people.

i get so tired of hearing that yes on 8 "took away the rights of gay couples to marry," hearing it called a "gay marriage ban," or that WE were the ones changing the constitution. and everyone just sits by and buys that. these statements take the entire issue out of context -- lest we forget that up until a few months ago, homosexual marriage wasn't recognized in the state of california or any other US state for that matter. the only reason making this proposition was necessary was because those on the NO side pushed, through the backdoor, i might add, for gay couples to have the right to marry. To consider it a ban is to insinuate that at one point it was valid and recognized by the consensus of the people -- which was never the case.

honestly, even now, i dont know what the appropriate solution is. i hate that this is even an issue at all. it is difficult for me to see the conflicting feelings, in both my friends and those who hate me. i cant imagine it would ever be easy to feel, even if your opponents dont see it that way, like your rights arent being respected. which is fundamentally what i believe BOTH sides were feeling throughout this issue. i know it will take time, but i believe that consensus among the people can be found.

the argument that religious people were trying to force their beliefs on everyone else is just ludicrous to me. seems more like the leftists were trying to force their agenda on the people of california, and the people of california fought back. frankly, i DONT have to accept homosexuality as being okay. i can love my friends who are gay and not agree with them. to me, its no different than having a friend who has a different religion than me. loving them and being their friend has little bearing on the fact that i will likely never, religiously speaking, see eye to eye with them. i can still respect them without ever agreeing with them.

finally, i have one last bone to pick. its partially directed at other mormons, and partially directed at those who criticize my church for getting behind this issue. ill address the latter first. churches have every right and i would argue moral obligation to get behind moral issues. its what they do. its one of the many purposes they serve. as a member of my church, i was asked to assist in the effort to pass this proposition. considering that this law is inherently consistent with religious teaching, this request was by no means out of line or inappropriate. never once, in all the discussions we had on the subject, did i feel anyone harbored malice or anger towards the opposing side. there was no hatred being taught. we love homosexuals. we love all people. we love all people equally. we know this is a difficult struggle with many conflicting emotions and points of view. but anyone who understands the bible, and the nature of God, also knows that to accept immorality and to justify it is to deny his commandments. that said, im not asking anyone to not be gay. if you are gay, i respect you and i believe you have the right to the pursuit of happiness. im not even asking you to give up your fight if you feel like marriage is what you need to feel equal. but dont tell me im wrong. im not telling you you're wrong. i think its only appropriate to agree that we have different paradigms on the subject.

as for members, those of you who like to write notes on facebook or blogs about how "wrong the church was in getting behind this," especially those of you who reside outside of the state of california... all i can say is... you have NO idea what you're talking about. you weren't here. i find it offensive that you can judge the PEOPLE OF CALIFORNIA who love and respect their prophet who chose to follow his counsel and do everything they could to help with the yes on 8 efforts. saying that the prophet has "no right" to provide direction and counsel to the Church regarding moral issues couldnt be more wrong. i think that that is his PRIMARY purpose. what would be the point of having a prophet at all if he DIDN'T do those things? and as for saying that we shouldnt have done this because now the Church will be persecuted... did you ever learn church history? did you ever read the bible? the book of mormon? when have prophets and the followers of prophets NOT been mocked, scorned, and persecuted for their beliefs? to say these things ignores everything we know to be true as Latter-day Saints. i stand firmly behind the family. protecting that with every cell of my being. i would devote a million more hours to supporting the yes on 8 campaign in a heartbeat. for you, of all people, to belittle this effort is very degrading in my opinion. you are entitled, although not able to vote, to have your opinion on the subject. but please, dont be so condescending -- insinuating that you are such a more "understanding" or "enlightened" mormon because you dont support this. these attitudes foster all the problems and misunderstandings i listed above. your attitudes make it seem like we just "havent gotten to your level of understanding" when really i would argue... you havent made it to ours.

the official position of the church was, and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, to support traditional marriage. no one was ever commanded to vote yes on the issue. we are counseled and we must always decide for ourselves what we can reconcile in our own hearts, to be the right thing to do. i would never judge anyone for how they voted last November, nor how they feel about the issue now. i expect that same courtesy.

Does anyone else see the Guevara/Stalin-ness of OBAMA posters slightly disturbing?

i know i do. i mean for crying out loud, do we really need to see a forty foot presidential candidate's FACE on the side of an office building with the word "HOPE" or "CHANGE" as its subtitle? and dont even get me started on seeing these made into t-shirts and sold in indie-pop stores like urban outfitters. it just makes me wonder, what are we really trying to sell here? i feel like its telling the public... everyone else is voting for obama, so obviously you should too. why? because its the cool thing to do, and you want to be cool dont you? dont worry about getting yourself educated about what either candidate believes. obama is "the man" and mccain is just an "old man." you wouldnt wear mccain on your t-shirt, would you? because THAT would be crazy. its just like the ubiquitous Che Guevara t-shirts floating around central and south america intended as propaganda to promote communist objectives. nevermind that Guevara stood for ruthless torture and mass murder. he was the great liberator! he was "one of the people." so, of course, lets put him on our chests and the backs of our hybrid SUV's and places of businesses. when i mention this dichotomy to my friends, they say, "well no one would want to wear mccain's face on their t-shirt." i suppose my only response can be EXACTLY. it makes no sense. its weird. and sort of creepy. fold up the obama shirt guys. paint over his face on the buildings and get him the hell off the back of your car. get a good old fashioned campaign sticker and call it good if you want to demonstrate your support. lets (please) stop making him into a celebrity and make him what he is. a presidential candidate. im sorry, but all this kind of stuff makes it difficult for me to take him seriously, which is obviously what i want to do-especially if he becomes the next president of the united states. i dont need a president who is "the man" or is somebody's "homey." just one who has his head screwed on relatively straight and wont eff things up too badly over the next few years.